frvl's blog

Spring

Cherry blossom.

Spring or Early Summer as I'd call it (due to the recent chaotic weather patterns appearing this side of the world) is here. A season of rebirth characterized by the blossoming of flowers, the return of little critters accompanied by various animals, warmer days, earlier sunrises and way more hipsters on the streets. During past years I feel like this season played an essential role in my emotional and mental health. After over 5 months of endless clouds rolling over the valley, cold weather, dead trees, and lifeless faces; spring was a sort of savior coming in to rescue me from the seemingly inescapable grasp of winter.

Now I don't know how I should feel about it. It's all back: the warmth of the sun, the pleasant chirping of birds during mornings, the fragrance of flowers... but it's not the same. I feel as though this renewal left me behind. It's a strange feeling, being unsure of where you are and where you belong: a limbo.

For the first time I can say I've become what I've always hoped I wouldn't: a person who once felt a deep connection to his past, a connection now lost, that person suddenly feeling in no particular way towards his own personal history. I have become so detached from what I was that I don't even know who I am anymore.